


Rejecting Fate

by minutiaesuga



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heartbreak, M/M, Polyamory, Romance, Slow Burn, Soulmate AU, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:53:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24695575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minutiaesuga/pseuds/minutiaesuga
Summary: Where Shirabu doesn’t believe in soulmates and Semi takes it upon himself to change his mind.
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Shirabu Kenjirou, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Ushijima Wakatoshi/Tendou Satori/Goshiki Tsutomu
Comments: 13
Kudos: 45





	1. Rose Tinted Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A background of Shirabu’s resentment and a little salt to rub in the wound.

_Soulmate_. What power did that word truly hold?

Shirabu had been told all his life that it was someone handpicked for you by the critical discretion of fate. The one person, or maybe two, that balanced out your flaws and enhanced your perfections. They could bring out the best and the worst in you. Someone tied to you, and you alone, anchored by predetermination.

For most people, it was what they dreamed of: the day they’d meet their fated match— when the stars aligned just right. When a soulmark would etch itself into delicate skin for the rest of eternity.

His mother had spun the tale of her and his father’s rose tinted romance countless times. It played out like a cliché romance novel with a plot that everyone vied for but no one got the chance to experience. Surface. Shallow. No matter how favorable their relationship seemed, it harbored too many underlying problems. Too many cracks in the foundation. In the game of give and take, there grew to be too much of the latter.

The cracks slowly grew to larger fissures in the already crumbling base. How could this be fate when his parents were constantly hurting each other? It was a baseless love, a loveless marriage, and a crumbling home. All because they had let themselves believe that destiny had reserved them for one another. Fate was a joke. A horrid lie that trapped you like a caged bird who longed to take to the skies.

Shirabu despised the idea of soulmates.

Why should an inanimate force— if he could even consider it that— be able to dictate who he loved when his home was always so _cold_? He hated the fake smiles and the forced kisses they purposely displayed, because as soon as his parents thought he was gone, they’d relapse into more yelling, more fighting. Shirabu could see the growing divide that wedged it’s way between his parents.

But it didn’t bother him anymore. All he knew was that when presented the option to accept or reject whoever destiny had chosen for him, he would without a doubt do the latter.

By then, maybe he’d have someone to fight for. Someone who made rejecting his soulmate all the more worth it. Although, in the case that there wasn’t that special someone, he’d still stubbornly fight whatever natural inclination that gravitated him toward his fated match. He didn’t want his experiences with love to end in disaster, and his parents had shown him that soulmates weren’t what they were proclaimed to be.

At the very least, he’d die trying to resist. He promised himself that.

Of course, that would be easier said than done.

Especially now.

“You... you _what_?” Shirabu forced out, swallowing thickly. He couldn’t have heard that right. He felt lightheaded, and it was suddenly much harder to keep himself standing upright.

“I said I’ve found my soulmate, Kenjirou. Well, soulmates,” Goshiki reiterated quietly, wringing his hands as he let his black fringe shield his guilty eyes. He couldn’t seem to meet the brunet’s strained gaze, instead deciding to study his shoes.

“When?”

“I’ve known them since we started high school, but... only just figured out it was them,” he explained quietly.

Shirabu didn’t know what to say. His throat felt like sandpaper, and for the first time in a while, he was speechless. He looked away, searching for something, anything to divert his stinging eyes to. “What are you trying to say?” he managed to grit out, fighting back tears filled with frustration. He could taste the bitterness rising in the back of his throat like bile, filling his mouth with an acrid tang.

“I...” Goshiki scrambled to word what he wanted to tell his boyfriend, fidgeting increasing tenfold.

“Spit it out Tsutomu.”

Goshiki took a deep breath, bracing himself for the impact of his words, “I want to— I think I want to give that a chance— give them a chance, I mean.”

Shirabu should’ve known that it would end like this. In fact, he did, but that didn’t lessen the pain that accompanied it. His breath left him like he’d been sucker punched. He felt like his heart had fallen to his stomach as his chest constricted. It hurt. Hot tears finally began to fall as reality sunk in. He hated destiny. He despised it with his very soul. He wanted to yell and scream and declare right then and there that he hated the boy in front of him. He’d  _ promised  _ that soulmates wouldn’t change anything— wouldn’t change them. But fate had a funny way of turning promises into the ache he felt spreading through every cell in his body.

There was so much— too much he wanted to say.

_ I trusted you._

_ You’ll only end up hurt._

_ Am I not enough?_

_ Was I ever enough?_

Despite the burning need to share his frustrations, to vent his anger, his hurt, his betrayal, he only asked who the lucky people were. The ones who’d stolen Goshiki from him.

“Ushijima and Tendou,” he said slowly, looking up to gauge Shirabu’s reaction, only to quickly divert his vision when meeting cold, resentful copper eyes, brimmed with red and clouded in betrayal.

“I hope they’ll make you happy then,” Shirabu managed to choke out before hastily brushing past his now ex-boyfriend, leaving Tsutomu alone in the quiet corridor to question whether he’d made the right choice.

There was a familiar numbness that slowly seeped into his being. A tangible heaviness of his limbs and a painfully blank mind. Every action he took seemed too hard. Finding his keys and unlocking his door made him feel like he’d just sat through a final exam for hours as he fumbled to fit the key into the hole. After several minutes, he’d managed to unlock his door and stumble over the threshold, barely shutting it before clumsily making his way to the couch to drop himself on top of it.   


His eyes traced the irregular pattern of his living room’s popcorn ceiling as silence settled in the house once more. The tinkling rattle of keys no longer filled the void. He wondered what usually occupied it. Then his brain began to mull over all the fights he’d listened to when quiet sobs left his lips. He’d stopped crying after a few months of listening to his parents tearing one another apart. He knew without having to watch, that they both cut deep. Some words had left irreparable damage, wounds that would leave ugly scars.   


He used to hope that they would eventually make up and heal with one another like soulmates were supposed to do.

He knew now that they were far too broken for that.

A pit of dread seeded at the thought of finding his soulmate when he grew older. He didn’t want to hurt his loved one, or be hurt by someone he cared so deeply for.

So in his last year of middle school, he vowed that he’d never let himself be with his soulmate.   


That way, he wouldn’t end up like his parents.

He held onto the hope that people who harbored similar beliefs would empathize with his reluctance.

When he’d finally opened up to Goshiki, he felt liberated. The soft eyes of understanding and the gentle reassurance soothed him in ways that nothing else could, and his excitement grew as he realized his feelings for the younger. 

And when Goshiki had confessed that he felt the same way, he’d been over the moon. He believed that being with him trumped any soulmate he could have.

Even with a broken heart, laying numbly on his living room couch, he still held that belief close. Maybe he’d find someone else that sent his heart racing and his blood singing with euphoria at the mere thought of them. Someone who made him feel whole.

But for now, he guessed he’d have to wait. A sigh left his lips as he mustered up the will to make himself some dinner before his parents got home from work.

Anything to avoid yet another dinner of awkward silence and tension so thick you could cut it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my very first ao3 story, and I’ve went into this blindly. please share thoughts and opinions :’)


	2. Selfish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shirabu tries to deal with the aftermath of his heartbreak, but he can’t handle the pressure as his day steadily takes turns for the worse.

Shirabu glared at his senpai through puffy eyes, indignation building with every piece of criticism that left Semi’s chapped lips. His sets were too low. Too high. His reactions were slow. The coach had already lectured him for showing up late and he’d had to run ten extra laps for warm ups. His mood was foul and it was slowly brewing fouler as practice went on, watching Goshiki laugh with his soulmates without, what seemed, any remorse for what had happened the day prior.

It was sickening, seeing a smile split Tsutomu’s lips as Tendou made a playful jab at Ushijima, who in turn probably replied with one of his blunt, deadpan responses that somehow made the situation all the more humorous.

Maybe it was spiteful to resent Goshiki for doing what made him happy, but he couldn’t shake the buried contempt that seemed to turn in its shallow grave.

A snap in front of his face brought him back to his setting drills, and he realized that he’d been squeezing the volleyball a little too harshly.

“What, are you trying to pop it?” Semi gestured to the ball loosely, raising a single brow. “Pay attention because I’m sure Washijou won’t have a problem giving you more laps.”

“Just shut up!” Shirabu exploded, slamming the volleyball down as he breathed heavily. He’d reached his limit. “You’ve been on my ass this whole practice and you’re fucking annoying!” He shouted, stepping forward. He was so close to Semi’s face he could feel his light breaths on his cheek. His narrowed eyes met pretty sepia tinged with grey, but he couldn’t stop to appreciate the color of the other’s eyes when he felt like he wanted to strangle him. The gravity of the situation didn’t register until he’d realized that there was pin drop silence in the normally noisy gym. He staggered back, eyes roving the surprised faces of his teammates. Semi raised a brow, eyes jumping from Shirabu to Goshiki and his soulmates with a knowing glance.

Washijou’s ears were practically steaming at the fact that Shirabu had interrupted practice with his outburst, not to mention disrespected an upperclassman. He was ready to kick Shirabu out of the gym himself until Semi bowed politely and said that he’d take care of it. Washijou slowly sat back down, albeit hesitantly, his glare enough to make the bravest soul cower. Shirabu could feel his eyes burning into the back of his head as Semi reached to grab his wrist. He knew that he’d receive consequences for that later.

His mouth curved downward in a frown as Semi dragged him into the locker room. Shirabu didn’t want to listen to another “soulmate” lecture, especially not from the ash haired setter before him. Something about him made him unsure of himself, like he brought an unknown insecurity to light that Shirabu didn’t want to acknowledge. He couldn’t read him at all, and yet he felt naked in front of him, like his deepest secrets and darkest fears were on display for Semi to analyze whenever he wanted.  


He glared at the tile flooring to avoid meeting the elder’s eyes.

”Shirabu.”

He didn’t even attempt to return the gaze.

”Listen here, brat,” Semi said, tone biting and assertive. His hand reached up to grab Shirabu’s chin, forcing him to meet his eyes.

Something like a spark shot down his spine as he felt the other’s touch. His body felt tingly, but this only made him more agitated. He returned the others gaze evenly, not willing to back down.  


“Get your head out of your ass,” he said with dangerously narrowed eyes, “You have every right to be upset, but that doesn’t mean you bring your shit on the court. If you’re gonna bring everyone else down, you might as well have not even showed up. Don’t be selfish, Shirabu.” 

Shirabu knew that sentence had a double meaning to it. He knew what Semi was getting at, and despite the need to snap at him, he shut his mouth. He _was_ being selfish. It wasn’t like he was proud of being a coward.

“I don’t know what the hell happened between you and Goshiki, why you ended things, but if he’s not letting it affect practice, you shouldn’t either.”

A fire lit in his gut at those words, “Oh yeah? And you can be the judge of that, how? If you don’t know what happened, then you have no say in how I feel because of it.” He’d unknowingly clenched his fist, digging his blunt nails into his palm. It aggravated him how easily Semi had read him.

”I’ve already said that you can feel how you want. All I’m saying is that you don’t involve anyone else in it. Goshiki’s being a hell of a lot more mature about it than you are,” Semi spat, dropping his arm. 

Shirabu couldn’t stop himself. “Don’t you think I know that?! I’m an asshole, I know!” He shouted, labored breaths echoing through the room. His heart thudded painfully against his ribcage as if threatening to escape.

“I can’t even find it in myself to be happy for him...” he broke, finally relaxing his fists. His shoulders dropped in exhaustion as he let himself cry once more. God, he felt _weak_.

Semi stood speechless, watching Shirabu cry for the first time. For once, he looked fragile and strangely... reachable without his regular calculating gaze, like he wasn’t some cocky second year with an overgrown ego. He wanted to reach out, to comfort him in some way, but he already felt like he was walking on eggshells around him.

”Just... leave me alone,” Shirabu whispered, shouldering past Semi. The metal door of the locker room creaked shut, quickly leaving the third year in total silence.

Semi couldn’t shake the crushing defeat that seemed to ooze from Shirabu’s words. Why did his chest feel so tight? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re enjoying this, I’ll try and update consistently. I’m kind of forgetful though :’)


	3. A Balanced Scale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little backstory on Ushijima and Tendou and the dynamics of the newly formed trio. AKA Goshiki almost has a stroke and Ushijima gets some sense knocked into him. Literally.

If there was one thing Goshiki had to say about his soulmates, it’s that he never expected to have two, let alone those soulmates being Ushijima and Tendou. In fact, the thought had never even crossed his mind because they’d been together since before he’d met them.   
  
They were a packaged deal, and imagining anyone else coming with that deal seemed unrealistic. Goshiki wasn’t necessarily a conventional person himself though, so he guessed that argument had long since been invalidated.

If you asked Ushijima and Tendou though, they’d tell you they suspected something was missing long before they met Goshiki.

Their first clue was actually their soulmark. An uneven scale had brandished itself on their left hips back in their first year, and at first they hadn’t thought to read into it much. One small weight sat on the left side of the scale, tipped high as the larger weight pulled down the right plate. Tendou had since then speculated several different theories, but ultimately guessed that it correlated to their polar opposite personalities. Ushijima, however, wasn’t too concerned with the meaning. He just knew that Tendou was his special person, and that alone made him happy.

He didn’t really start questioning whether they really _were_ missing something until the middle of their second year, when he and Tendou began to argue more frequently.

Tendou was without a doubt the eccentric personality out of the two. He was a generally more open, approachable person, and he was definitely more playful. Ushijima usually found this endearing, but some days it was too much. He found himself snapping unnecessarily at the redhead sometimes when he teased too much, and he was never good at communication, so apologies were hard.

_”There’s a party tonight, Waka-Chan! Do you wanna be my date tonight?” Tendou asked as he ruffled his boyfriend’s hair, wiggling his eyebrows._

_”I can’t Tori. I have to study tonight,” Ushijima sighed, gesturing to the several study guides laid out on the desk in front of him._

_”C’mon, it’s just a couple hours and then we can leave. Promise!”  
_

_“Not tonight, okay?”_

_”Don’t be a stick in the m—“_

_”Please just leave!” Ushijima cut him off, pointing to the door. Guilt ripped through him as soon as he saw the hurt expression Tendou was trying so hard to hide._

_”Sorry...” Tendou apologized softly, quickly leaving the room._

_”Wait, Tori!” Ushijima quickly followed after him, studying forgotten in favor of cheering up his lover. Somehow._

On the other hand, Ushijima could be described as stoic, serious, and for lack of better words, a little clueless. He took things way too literal sometimes, and for Tendou who found entertainment in witty jokes, it was a little disgruntling to say the least. This in turn led to some minor communication problems.

_“You know, I think SemiSemi could stand to let his hair down a little, you know?” Tendou said offhandedly, chuckling as he reached down to tie his volleyball shoes.  
_

_”He doesn’t tie it up,” Ushijima said, slipping on the top to his practice kit._

_”No, Waka-Chan, I mean that he stresses too much. He needs to relax a little,” Tendou sighed, placing his other shoes in his locker before shutting and locking it._

_”Why didn’t you just say that then?” Ushijima asked, following his boyfriend out of the locker room._

_”You know Waka-Chan, sometimes I don’t know what to do with you.”_

_”Haven’t we hung out a lot though?”_

Most of their qualms had been small, only two or three really important enough to truly be a factor because they had resulted in them not speaking for days. However, it was enough to raise questions about whether they were really complete. 

_”Wakatoshi,” Tendou called out hesitantly._

_There was a hum from said man as if to beckon him to continue._

_”I... do you still want me? As your soulmate, I mean,” He trailed, casting his gaze down. He rubbed his arm nervously, as if fearful of the answer to come._

_Ushijima let silence ensue for a beat, staring at Tendou before asking, “Why do you ask?”_

_The monotone, neutral response seemed to worsen the situation as the redhead bit his lip. There was an unidentifiable emotion that crossed his gaze as he struggled to voice his concerns. “It’s just... you don’t seem like you really... enjoy being with me. I don’t know. You always look bored when we’re together, like you want to be anywhere else but with me. I mean, you just aren’t that expressive with me, and I don’t know how to take that.”_

_”You should know that’s just me,” was all that Ushijima supplied._

_Tendou felt a building frustration in his chest. “You’re not even trying to understand why I’m worried.”_

“ _Because you’re being ridiculous.”_

_”How am I being ridiculous Ushijima,” he cried out, “I just want to know that you still want this. I’m not you. I don’t have an overabundance of confidence! I know I’m not the most attractive guy, and sometimes I’m annoying. Sometimes I feel like you’ll get tired of me and you’ll leave because maybe fate finally screwed up. I’m scared, but you’re clearly not concerned with how I’m feeling about it. You’ve got everything figured out in that head of yours, and I’m sorry that I can’t read your mind. It’s not like you let me in anyway.”_

_”Tendou, you know that’s not true,” Ushijima spoke. That hadn’t come out like he wanted it to, but it was too late to take it back._

_”No I don’t Ushijima! I don’t know, and that’s why I was trying to confirm, but you’re not listening! Talking to you is like talking to a fucking brick wall. You’re so insensitive sometimes,” he whispered the last part. His whole body was shaking as he fought off tears._

_”Just— come talk to me when you’re ready to listen.” And with that, Tendou left, slamming the door on his way out._  
  
It’d taken a week and a half and an intervention by Reon and Semi to get them to talk it out.

And eventually, that’s where Goshiki came in. Tendou and Ushijima were having yet another quarrel when Goshiki has stepped in to mediate. As soon as he’d talked them both down and they were able to see eye to eye, a sudden burning sensation shot through the nerves on their left hip. All three of them shared looks of surprise before moving their shorts slightly to look at what was happening.

Tendou’s eyes doubled in size, if that was even possible, “Well I’ll be damned, Waka-Chan.” What once was an unbalanced scale was now completely level, an added weight on the left side had appeared.

”I guess you were right Tori. We were missing something.”

Goshiki sat in stunned silence. This was unbelievable. His senpais were his soulmates? He seemed to short circuit as he stumbled to find something to lean on. That something just happened to end up being Ushijima (not that he realized that). 

“Are you okay Goshiki?” Tendou raised an eyebrow. He was a little concerned at how badly he seemed to be taking this.

”I— I’m just shocked is all,” he swallowed, before letting out a gasp, “and what am I gonna tell Shirabu?”

”You and Shirabu are together?” Ushijima asked, a look of surprise crossing his features before they returned to rest in his regular unimpressed look.

”You didn’t know that Waka-Chan? They’ve been together for over half a year,” Tendou let out a chuckle at his boyfriend’s lack of perceptiveness. 

“I— what do I do? I can’t just break up with him,” Goshiki fretted, pulling at his bowl cut.

”Why not?”

”Wakatoshi!” Tendou slapped him on the back of the head.

Ushijima grunted, rubbing the back of his head.

”He,” the youngest hesitated before deciding against telling them Shirabu’s inhibitions. That was something personal he could tell them himself if he wished to do so. “It’s something personal he’s been struggling with.”

”I know this sounds harsh, but I think the best thing you could do is just be honest with him. He might be upset with you, and he has that right, but he also needs to understand that you’re our soulmate. You’re part of us now. That is, if you’ll have us,” Tendou explained calmly. Ushijima even gave a small smile, which slightly unnerved Goshiki, but he knew he was only trying to help. At least, he thinks so. Only then did he realize what he was resting on, and promptly shot away, cheeks coloring themselves a pretty pink.

”How cute! Our little kouhai is blushing,” Tendou teased.

“Stop it Tendou senpai!” He groaned, burying his hot face in his hands.

”Fine, fine. But you didn’t answer me.”

Goshiki sighed, “I want to accept, but I really do love Shirabu. It’s just different with you guys. I don’t know to explain it, but everything just feels natural. The minute my soulmark appeared, there was this sudden— Pull, I guess. I know I don’t love you guys yet, but I do know that I feel the urge to try.”

”If you really do love Shirabu, then do what makes you happy Goshiki. You’re not obligated to be with us,” Ushijima chipped in, a rare show of concern.

”I just feel like it’s wrong to be with him when I’ve found you guys.”

”It’s not wrong if you’re happy with it. Do what you think is best. If you stay with him, that’s great, and if you decide to be with us, then that’s great too. Whatever you decide though, Shirabu does deserve the truth. You owe him that at least,” The softness of his words reassured Goshiki, and the youngest let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

”Thank you guys, really. I need some time, and then I’ll let you know,” he said sincerely, bowing.

”Of course, Tsutomu.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m hoping this all made sense. this is my first attempt at writing a polyamory relationship, so if you have any concerns, please let me know :) 
> 
> and thank you to everyone who’s left kudos or read this story in general!! <3 I really appreciate all the support


	4. An Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goshiki talks to Shirabu, Tendou, and Ushijima to sort out his feelings and gets a 1:00 am visit.

“You needed to talk to us?” Tendou asked, leaning over to tie his volleyball shoes.

Goshiki had quietly asked them to wait for a moment after everyone left to talk, so he waited until their teammates began to filter out before speaking up.

”I won’t take too much time. I don’t to piss off Washijou. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve made my decision, but I’m going to talk to Shirabu first. Like you told me, he deserves my honesty no matter what I choose, and right now, he’s my priority. I’m sorry,” the youngest bowed. “I’m going to talk to him right after school. Are you guys busy afterwards?”

”I don’t think I have anything. Do you, Waka-Chan?” Tendou asked, looking at his boyfriend.

”No. I don’t have anything to attend to,” Ushijima confirmed, shaking his head.

”Do you guys mind meeting me at the café near the community center? Around an hour after school?” 

“We’ll be there,” Tendou said, nudging Wakatoshi. The other just nodded.

”Good luck Goshiki. We’ll support you in whatever decision you make,” the redhead smiled softly, patting the youngest on the shoulder.   
  


Goshiki was nervous. His hands clammed up as second ticked by waiting for Shirabu to show up. He’d worked himself into a funk and had accidentally shown up a little too early, which didn’t help his nerves at all because he had time to think about all the possible to outcomes of this. He was honestly scared that he would make the wrong decision and ruin everything, but could anyone blame him for doing what he thought was best?

He knew without question that Shirabu was going to be hurt. He’d made a promise that he wasn’t going to keep, and he felt an immeasurable guilt. Back when he’d made the promise, it’d been fueled by sympathy, as shallow as that sounded. He knew it was wrong, but he just couldn’t help himself when he saw how badly he’d been scarred. 

Shirabu both feared and hated the ideology of soulmates, and Goshiki, despite knowing that, was betraying his trust. Was it his fault?

He froze as he heard footsteps that came to a halt in front of him. He’d been gazing at the tiled floor as he thought, and was forced to look up and meet Shirabu’s eyes. 

“Why’d you call me here Tomu? If you needed to talk, we could’ve just went to your house,” Shirabu asked, giving a small, uncertain smile.

”I uhm,” he gulped. He was considering just chickening out and staying with Shirabu to avoid hurting him, but would that really be what was best? He’d only be lying to him, and he’d done that long enough. “I’ve found them. My soulmate.”

“You... you _what_?” His boyfriend choked out. He could hear the thickness of his tone as he fought down the shock.

“I said I’ve found my soulmate, Kenjirou. Well, soulmates,” Goshiki said, repeating himself. He wrung his sweaty hands and decided to let his bangs shield his eyes. 

“When?”

“I’ve known them since we started high school, but... only just figured out it was them,” he explained quietly.

Shirabu was deathly silent. Goshiki knew he was struggling to produce a response. Guilt nipped at his heart. “What are you trying to say?” he managed to grit out, and Goshiki could hear him fighting back tears. The bitterness in his tone was palpable.

“I...” Goshiki panicked, trying desperately to explain himself.

“Spit it out Tsutomu.”

He had dreaded this. He didn’t want to say it because it made everything all the more real. He couldn’t go back after this. Powering through, he let out a shaky sigh before finally saying what he’d been trying to during this whole nerve wracking, guilt ridden break up, “I want to— I think I want to give that a chance— give them a chance, I mean.”

He knew the betrayal that raced through Shirabu’s head. He knew the overwhelming, heart wrenching questions that began to flood his head. He knew there were too many unspoken curses that Shirabu wanted to throw his way, and most of all, he knew that he deserved whatever Shirabu was holding back so desperately.

”Who are they?”

The question shocked him. This felt worse than getting yelled at and cussed out. He wished Shirabu would just hit him or something for being so selfish. 

“Ushijima and Tendou,” he said slowly, daring to gaze up at Shirabu. What he saw made him look away just as quickly; he couldn’t meet the crushing devastation in those copper eyes. He just couldn’t look.

“I hope they’ll make you happy then,” was all the other said. He wanted to reach out as Shirabu passed him, shaking in treachery and frustration, but he stopped himself, letting the boy walk away. He couldn’t reach out after what he’d done. With the sudden heaviness that weighted his conscience, he was began to think that maybe he _had_ made the wrong choice.

Heavy breaths left him as he raced down the sidewalk towards the café he’d promised to meet Tendou and Ushijima at. It’s not that it took that long to get there, but Goshiki felt too pent up to just casually walk there. Despite the obvious guilt he felt, there was a light feeling in his chest. It made him jittery.   


He didn’t know exactly why, but it probably had something to do with his soulmates. Just thinking about them sent nervous tingles down his spine.   


Panting and a little sweaty, Goshiki made it to the café with 15 minutes to spare, so he decided to order a hazelnut latte, paying no mind to the slightly concerned look the cashier sent him. He took a seat to try and calm his frantically beating heart that he knew wasn’t caused just because he’d been running.

He felt weird. Awkward almost. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been nervous around Shirabu. Hell, soulmate or not, Shirabu was an ethereal type of pretty and quite frankly intimidating, so of course he made Goshiki nervous. He wasn’t going to deny that he got butterflies when he went on dates with him. He loved when he smiled because that intense frown left his face and his eyes grew smaller. He loved watching Shirabu laugh at horror movies, crude jokes and dark humor, no matter how unnerving it  was, because the setter just had a contagious laugh.

He admired his determination and work ethic in anything and everything he involved himself in, whether it was volleyball, school, or the animal shelter he decided to volunteer at on the weekends. Shirabu was strong willed and hard headed, some might say bratty, but Goshiki found it strangely endearing, especially when he pouted about how he wanted to be taller. Though usually, it was just because of his impatience and his snappish nature  both on and off the court.

Despite his off putting attitude, he was uncharacteristically soft and understanding with those he trusted and cared about. 

So it wasn’t that he hadn’t felt something like this before.

He _had_ been attracted to him, that he knew. And he knew that he loved him.   


But he wasn’t so sure he was _in love_ with him. He cared about him, yes, very much so, but now that he took a step back, he couldn’t see Shirabu in his future. Not romantically.   
  
The difference now was that, without any kind of prompting, any dates or prior romance, he was immediately interested. It had taken what seemed like forever to find that spark with Shirabu.

This sudden newfound interest absolutely exhilarated him. It felt like he’d just gotten the perfect set, and he could see the other side of the net clearly as he felt the weight of the ball on his palm.   
  
And then the satisfying sound of the ball hitting the court after spiking it down. 

Goshiki heard creaking before looking up to see his Tendou and Ushijima taking their seats. They’d since gone home and changed out of their practice gear, now dressed casually in sweats and T-shirt’s.

”Hi Tendou-San, Ushijima-San,” Goshiki said nervously, throwing a small grin their way.

”Did we keep you waiting?” Tendou asked, noticing Goshiki was halfway through with his latte.

”Yes— I mean, no! I just got here too early, so I went ahead and ordered.” Goshiki mentally face palmed.

Tendou laughed, “Why are you so nervous, Goshiki?”

”Well... I broke up with Shirabu,” he trailed off, twiddling his thumbs.

”Which means... you’re giving us a chance?” The redhead asked, a steadily growing smile overtaking his face. 

“Yeah,” Goshiki said after a moments silence, beginning to smile to himself. “Yeah, it does.” Relief seemed to flood him.

Tendou excitedly reached over to place his hands over Goshiki’s, which were clasped together in front of him, “I’m glad then.”

Goshiki stared wide eyed at his senpai’s hands holding his. He could feel heat creeping up his neck, which only increased tenfold when Ushijima reached a calloused hand to rest on top of both of theirs. “I am too,” Ushijima gave a small, rare grin. 

“I hate to ruin the moment, but you look like freshly slapped ass,” Tendou cackled, eyeing the blush on Goshiki’s face.

The youngest sputtered, “What the hell?! What kind of analogy is that?!”

Practice the next day was filled with heavy tension and a lot of staring from Shirabu. Tendou and Ushijima had asked him to practice with them some, and of course he’d said yes. Despite Ushijima being his soulmate, he was still someone he looked up to greatly, someone he had idolized for so long.   


As they chatted and worked together throughout practice, he could feel Shirabu’s burning gaze on the back of his head. Even when they did team drills, he felt it. It wasn’t like he didn’t feel guilty about what happened, but he knew that Shirabu needed space. He still wanted to be friends with him, but he knew that would take a while. Shirabu needed to heal first.

Then he heard him shouting. He turned wide eyed as he watched Shirabu shout at Semi about how’d he’d been riding his ass all practice. Semi didn’t seem like he was being anymore overbearing on the younger setter than usual, but Goshiki knew the underlying problem, so he knew it wasn’t Eita’s fault to begin with.

He didn’t seem to realize that everyone was watching until he staggered back and glanced around at his silent teammates. Washijou was about to say something until Semi stepped in and said he’d take care of it, leading Shirabu to the locker room, where they stayed for several minutes.   


He knew that whatever Semi had said had subdued Shirabu, from the pain in his eyes to the way his shoulders sagged when he exited the locker room.   


Practice resumed, as yelling and the sounds of volleyballs smacking the hardwood filled the gym once more, but it wasn’t business as usual. Everyone seemed at a loss for what had happened. It wasn’t that Semi and Shirabu were doing any worse after the incident, or that they didn’t talk, because they rarely ever had small talk anyway.  


It was just the fact that Shirabu didn’t lose his cool like that. Ever.

It’d been around three weeks, the trio had spent everyday together, Ushijima and Tendou more than willing to devote their free time to getting to know Goshiki on a more personal level. They took him on impromptu dates, crashed his dorm whenever they wanted, and texted him all day, even at ungodly hours of the morning. (Tendou more so than Ushijima, but the ace proved to have just as much interest as the redhead.) 

Goshiki honestly never had a moment to himself anymore, but he wasn’t so sure that was a bad thing. They were a good type of chaotic, the perfect balance between insanity and tranquility. He wondered if he’d ever have a day when Tendou and Ushijima _didn’t_ seek him out for something. Even if there wasn’t, he was okay with that.

They drove him up the walls, teased him all the time just because he flustered easily, and Ushijima was surprisingly playful and just as chaotic as Tendou in his own way. 

Like one night, he’d shown up at Goshiki’s dorm at 1:00 am just to tell him that he’d met a man with a missing left arm at the store one day and asked how he would play volleyball if _he_ didn’t have a left arm. Goshiki has just stared at him sleepily before asking, “When did this happen?”

”Two days ago.”

”You’ve been kept awake two night in a row because of this?” He asked in exasperation, remembering the repetitive buzzing of his phone the night before.

”Yes,” Ushijima replied without missing a beat.

“Oh my god,” Goshiki rubbed his face. “I guess you’d either use your right arm or get a prosthetic arm. I don’t know.”

”That makes sense. Thank you,” Ushijima replied.

”Aren’t you tired?” 

“Yes.”

”Why are you still up then?”

”Because I had to ask you a question.”

”It couldn’t have waited another 5 hours or so?”

”No.”

Goshiki grumbled, “Whatever. C’mon.” He pulled Ushijima into his dorm, too sleepy to be embarrassed. “You can sleep here tonight.”

”In your bed?”

”Sure,” he said without thinking, falling back into his warm bed and snuggling under the covers.

”It’s only been two weeks though.”

”Just go to sleep!” Goshiki cried.

”Okay,” Ushijima shrugged and climbed into the full sized bed without another word. By time he got situated, Goshiki was already fast asleep. 

Safe to say, Goshiki was a flustered, stuttering mess the next morning when he saw Ushijima sleeping in his bed. 

Other than that slightly mortifying incident, they had movie nights together, usually in Goshiki’s dorm, but sometimes they’d go to Tendou’s or Ushijima’s. There was always too many snacks, over salted popcorn, and a mess to clean up afterwards. But it was fun.

They also had sleepovers. Well, one that was actually planned and didn’t make Goshiki fall out his bed first thing in the morning. Those two tended to surprise him. He had extra pillows and blankets and an air mattress (even though they somehow ended up squished on Goshiki’s bed together anyway.) It was singlehandedly the most uncomfortable yet enjoyable sleep he’d had, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Again, chaotic.

They were just part of his daily routine now. It felt natural and kept him on his toes at the same time. Everything felt balanced, the good and the bad.  
  
If he wasn’t in love now, he knew he was going to be unbearably whipped for both of them soon enough. 

And oh god, if he only knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi to those of you who read this note!! thank you so much for over 150 hits and 19 kudos! :D  
> also, for anyone who absolutely adores semishira, I’ll be posting a one shot soon! 
> 
> again, thank you <3


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